my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
