I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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