he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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