Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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