i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
