He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
