What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
