hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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