bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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