i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
