you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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