Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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