Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
