I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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