What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
