It's like God shit irony all over that family
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
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i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
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I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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