Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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