Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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