It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
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dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
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The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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