Umm I'm too high to move.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
