Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
