i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
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She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize