Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
