I accidentally burped into my bong.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize