i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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