she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
