Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
