So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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