I'm so fucking centered right now
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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