guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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