can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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