I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
