My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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