I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
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I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
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I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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