highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
