I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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