Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
