i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
