don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick