okay pat passed out under dana's car
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED