shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.