I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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