Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
how drunk are you?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove