the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
