Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
