I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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