Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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