at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
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he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The uberlube is also flammable
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I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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