Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
