I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
