can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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