if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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