It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
