Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
