My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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