And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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