Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
