Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
